Addiction, Traumatic Re-enactment & The Effect on Personnel and Family Values

In my private practice I have constantly reminded my clients, that when we successfully deal with our past we can change the present. For example, in therapy people often start to identify maladaptive patterns’ in their behavior with others and in their life in general. They can start identifying the fact that they are re-enacting how they dealt with people as a child or a teenager in the present tense. In fact, the traumatic experience that drives the repetition of past traumatic events is called traumatic re-enactment. This re-enactment can be an unconscious attempt to process and facilitate an adaptive process, in order to facilitate the successful resolution of earlier trauma ( Levine, 1997 ).

As a therapist I have to remind the person that this is mainly due to ‘If you are never shown anything different how do you know there are better ways of handling your life”? Traumatized adults or parents often re-enact a traumatic events that in some ways represent their unconsciousness efforts to resolve the original trauma (Levine, 1997). Once we are traumatized it is almost certain that we will continue to repeat or re-enact parts of the experience in some way over and over again. As a result, traumatic re-enactment has profound effect on our family values and can actually generate a legacy of fear, separation and prejudice in the family unit.

Traumatized people must let go of all kinds of beliefs and preconceptions in order to complete a journey back to health. Sometimes it’s important to recognize the fact that we have been abused and mistreated as children. This problem originated from not having had proper guidance, and physical emotional abuse. These problems actually originated with trauma and traumatic re-enactment. The result of this can be a child could never have learned any language as to how to calm down when they are highly agitated. Sometimes when a lot of neglect is involved with children, the parents or guardians simply have never taught them how to calm down. They simply were never comforted sufficiently. This creates a deficit in the child and later on, in the adult also.  This deficit can result with adult survivors of abuse, turning to drugs or alcohol in order to calm down. In my clinical experience, along with my qualitative research , indicates that addiction root in some cases can be the direct result of traumatic re-enactment.

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Embracing Dysfunctional Family Values

Embracing Dysfunctional Family Values


A Possible Explanation

Part 1

There are multiple entries and reason’s why dysfunctional family values can be handed down from generation to generation. In my private practice time and time again the client and I recognize the same generational problems in the person’s family history. The repeat is usually evident with both parents and can be traced back to grand parents and even great grand parents. How is this possible?

Many of us have vowed to never be like our parents yet one day we wake up and realize we are just like them. In some cases a person recognizes that they are from a dysfunctional family, other times they don’t, since this is all they know. The parents may have been addicts, or there is an obvious history of mental illness in the family, also a person might have experienced emotionally and physically abuse as a child. It can be especially confusing for people, to grow up to be just like there parents, or to be even more abusive than they were. There is an explanation.

Think about prostitutes and people in the pornography industry, who have been sexually molested as children. These children were victims of their environment. They had no choice and no control over the situation they were in at home, at the time. In a lot of cases they had to live with there abusers. This is due, to the person being abused by a parent or relative.

The same children that were previously abused are now embracing the same aspects of their abuse, by becoming a prostitute or getting involved with the pornography industry. The only difference is that now they have the power and control over their situation. This is an adjustment that allows a victim to literally identify with the aggressor. This same adjustment can explain why a person ends up following and embracing dysfunctional family values, for a host of other dysfunctional aspects in a person’s life.

There will be a further explanation in part 2 of this topi



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Values, Electronics and Our Children

If we look back in history relatively recent history Canadian and American life styles have changed dramatically, from being agricultural, family centered and being an isolated nation to being an urban multinational, postindustrial member of the global economy. The inclusion of values in children has mainly been turned over to our educational system. This system is ill equipped to handle children’s morals and values. Furthermore, it  was never designed to handle such a task. Morals and values are meant to be taught and demonstrated to children at home.

To make things even worst is the inclusion of television, and electronic gadgets into our homes. TV and internet stimulated children become young adults who turn without hesitation, into children that use these electronics as ways to escape from loneliness, boredom and fear. In reality they need to develop the ability rely on other people for support. Not electronic gadgets. To go even deeper is the fact that young people need to experience frustration, pain and loneliness in order to mature and grow. Escaping and avoiding issues through electronics should not be an option.

Without effective guidance based on traditional and spiritual values, young people have no other alternative but to turn to drugs, overeating, gambling, drama filled relationships, compulsive work, or shopping sprees. These behaviors are the result of a lot of frustration, anger, and emptiness, mainly due to a lack of fulfillment in life. No attempt to avoid suffering works in the long run. In the end the repetition dulls the senses.

As parents and as responsible adults we need to get back to our grass roots and start teaching and being role models to our future generations. Family rituals are important to family cohesion. For example, simple things like having sit down meals together and recreational activities together can help promote cohesiveness in families. In addition when ever possible give our children our undivided attention. Good family rules also promote, guide and protect our children. They signify the parents love, and concern a parent has for their children. Raising children is not an easy task; however, a child’s basis need is love and not material possessions.




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Our Emotional Comfort Zone

Our emotional comfort zone works the same way our thermostat in our house works. When the temperature in the room approaches the edge of the thermal range the thermostat sends an electrical signal to the furnace to turn on or off. The thermostat then turns on or off to keep the changes in the desired range.

This is similarity to our psychological thermostat which regulates our level of performance in the world. However, the difference is instead of a thermostat, our regulator is the level of discomfort we feel that will keep us within our comfort zone. When we try and change our life and our behavior begins to approach the edge of the zone, we start to feel uncomfortable. If what you start experiencing is outside the self image you subconsciously have of yourself, your body sends a signal to pull yourself back into your comfort zone. The real message in all of this is a person who is trying to achieve success without ever experiencing rejection or pain will never make it in the long term.

We don’t have to be the most gifted or talented person in the field, but we have to believe that if we don’t give up anything is possible, if we truly believe in ourselves. Finding out what you’re really good at and then just blocking everything else out will get you to where you want to be in life. Personally, I studied and worked very hard on myself and that’s how I got to where I am today. It might help you to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self talk and combined with proper training, coaching and practice anyone can learn to do almost anything.

Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.
Robert Allen
Co-authour, The One Minute Millionnaire

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Values and Respect

The only way we can live and feel happy in the long term is to live in accordance with our true values. If we don’t we are sure to experience true pain in life. I can relate to developing some real bad habits in my life that was very frustrating and had the potential to actually destroy my life. I’m talking about drug and alcohol addiction, however, the deeper psychological root was selfishness, self centeredness, and attempting to control and dominate others. Other excesses people can have are over eating, watching hour upon hour of television, or computer addiction.


What was really behind all this bad behavior? These behaviors are the result of a lot of frustration, anger, and emptiness, mainly due to a lack of fulfillment in life. Looking for a quick fix to try and distract myself from some pretty empty feelings. The pattern of drinking and doing drugs became a pattern that had to be broken; however, I had to get to what was behind this behavior. The pain of living the lifestyle I was living caused a big gap in my personal values and the way I actually lived my life, in my addiction. I accomplished absolutely nothing in years and had actually destroyed a lot of close relationships in my life.

When I did start dealing with my own personal issues, consequently, I eventually started to live by my highest standards in life, when we do this we eventually feel immense joy. Today, I no longer have a desire to drink, or put myself into a drug induced stupor. Life itself started becoming a huge challenge and today my life is rich. I have a wonderful family, a great career and a bright future. I look back on my life and see how I distracted myself from such incredible heights this is like taking a sedative on Christmas morning. When I compromise my values and stop respecting myself it’s like looking at my family tree and finding out I was the sap. I had to take first take responsibility for my past actions in order to turn my life around.  It took a lot of soul searching to turn my life around; however, this hard work has sure paid off.






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How to Beat the Bad Guys at Work

According to “Men’s Health Magazine, How to Win at Everything” , we need to be aware of some people at work. There is a lot of talk about openness on the job, however, there are a lot of reasons we need to keep our guard up at work. Most people are honest about 80 percent of the people. Another 15 percent are of questionable integrity. But what I’m talking about is the 5 percent who out and out dirtballs. These are the bad guys who are out to get you. For example, “spineless the rumor king”, these type of people will just make up rumors as they go along. Such as “is there any truth to the rumor that Jim from labor relations is in detox and is not really on a fishing trip in British Columbia. Human nature being what it is people within ear shot will hear this rumor and not remember the question mark. Consequently when the boss hears about this concern from three or four different people, he starts thinking less favorably about poor old Jim.

The solution to this is if you want to keep these Spineless people from starting rumors about you, you’re going to have to be highly alert. Chances are he’ll start a milder rumor in the beginning, for example telling people I hear your behind in meeting a particular deadline. This is the time you confront this person just like you would confront a play ground bully. Tell this person if you have a problem with me you better confront me directly. Let spineless know you have his number. Most spineless people are good at knowing when to run for cover. If confrontation doesn’t work get the best connected person in the company to spread a denial to the rumors.

The final resort with a lot of history behind it is just punching him. I would suspect this is very high risk, by the way. True, but isn’t taking risks what they’re paying you the big bucks for.


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Corporate Crime and the News Media

It’s funny how we can view the ‘typical criminal” a young, tough, lower – class male. This stereo typical image is incorrect. The rich are far more violent and are lot more dishonest than the poor. The real truth is criminal behavior committed by corporations is by far, more damaging to our society economically, environmentally, and socially, by far. For example every six hours a worker dies in the work place as a result of corporate crime. The media is so powerful it takes our attention away from the damage the corporate criminals have committed.


Giant corporations with their billions of dollars in assets have an enormous influence in the media and our political system. This built in institutional bias does more than merely protect the corporate system. It also robs the public of a chance to understand the real world. There exists hardly any in-depth reporting about what has caused the widening gap between rich and poor. Control of the media by large corporate monopolies leads to political domination of the main stream Canadian people.

Monopolistic power dominates many industries, and most of them enjoy special treatment by the government. But media giants have two enormous advantages. They control the public image of national leaders who, as a result, fear and favour the media magnate’s political agendas. This creates restrictions on political activity, union activity and public disclosure. They control the information that helps establish the social, political and cultural attitudes of increasingly larger populations. The news media in Canada does not tell the Canadian people that a political whip hangs over their head.




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Accountability and Trust

If you truly want to turn your life around, find a competent person who you can trust and ask them for help!


Robert Goulard , Executive Director of “Robert Goulard Counseling Service”.



Just kidding about the executive director, I forgot to mention I’m the only person working at Robert Goulard Counseling Service LOL. However, the truth is when I actually surrendered and asked another person for help, this dramatically changed my life.

The world has become a very complex place. Having good people to talk to and just being able to be yourself with another person is a very important aspect to any successful person. I look back on this decision to surrender and allow another person to help me with no regrets. From that point on my life dramatically changed for the better. I was now held accountable for my actions; the goals in my life were now attainable. The results were absolutely astounding.

It was this face to face encounter that was a turning point in my life. It seems like such a small thing to do however, it had deeper implications to me at that time in my life. The amount of false pride and ego in me always, prevented me from being honest with myself. This surrender was a mile stone in my life; I gave up trying to help myself alone. I let someone else in my life. It was a therapist, I could trust. However, in time I found a whole group of people that were willing to listen to me and also help me. The real point is once you’ve chosen your team members trust them. Today I am devoted to understanding and embracing the true value and meaning of trust.




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