Experiencing the Intelligence of Not Knowing, Part 1

The present is the moment,

the past was a moment,

and the future will be a moment.

Life really is simple; however, most people find a way of speeding of up their thinking, by worrying about a bill, being overly concerned about the future, regretting the past, or getting stuck in resenting their jobs. In the process life passes us by. When we bring awareness to stressful moments we think more clearly and we might see our own unbalanced view as the root cause to an inappropriate, overreaction on our part, perhaps our behavior could be out of proportion to what the actual circumstance is. The purpose of this blog is to explore the mechanisms of analytical, process-oriented thinking versus the free flowing mode of thought experienced when we are in the moment.

Most people have been taught through the educational system which is to learn to listen almost exclusively through our analytical mind, which mainly consists of memorizing or concentrating. We compare what we are listening to, to what we already know, agreeing or disagreeing and processing the data as the message enters our mind. This type of learning has limitations and can take us away from being in the moment.

Listening with nothing on our minds is a completely different experience. Listening with no interpretation, prejudice, preconception, expectation, or anticipation is the exact opposite of our analytical mind. True listening with an open mind, even if we previously disagreed with it, a new awareness may appear, bringing with it a new or heightened awareness to a situation that was not seen previously seen. If we are living in the present moment we will be more aware of our present feelings and impulses. This awareness allows us to navigate more smoothly through the moods, emotions, and circumstances of life. Listening in a free flowing mode is thought recognition. We can recognize the quality of our own thinking and this enables us to get back on track with being in the moment.




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Role Confusion, Stress and Work holism

One of the biggest obstacles to communication and knowing our true feelings is role confusion stress and work holism. If we can’t seem to get it together, it may be that we have given too much of ourselves away to our jobs. The job or profession becomes our identity as to who we are and what we stand for. It may be that we have compromised, over compensated, given in over so much of yourself that you know longer know were all the pieces fit together anymore. In the process we can be physically and emotionally detached from our families.

This detachment starts by getting stuck in a particular role at work; we can then run the danger of feeding a chronic addiction to work. The stress of success, the power and control, the attention, and respect some people get in there professional life can be intoxicating and addicting. Unfortunately this work addiction usually results in the erosion of the quality of family life. The work addiction causes us not to know much about our family members or what they are feeling or what is going on with them on a daily basis. Before we know it we have lost the ability to be there for the people that we love the most in our lives. It can be very hard to make the transition from authority, to one’s position as father, or mother, or any other position that we supposed to be just be a regular person. When a divorce happens or our children don’t want nothing to do with us any more, the professional gains we have made at work aren’t really worth it.

One sure way of making sense to yourself in order to get yourself back in balance is to discuss your situation with others in order for you to see new options you may have not thought of before or perhaps even have thought to be unthinkable. Sometimes ideas are unthinkable only because our mind is so attached to one way of thinking and we have become unconscious to the various roles we are playing and there effects on our lives. We can become very strongly attached to one point of view that blinds us to seeing the full extent of what is actually happening in our lives. When we have a very narrow point of view we create ruts that prevent us from growing. When we start discussing our situation with others we can become devoted to reclaiming all the pieces of my life that are the most important, our family. Letting other people into our lives is essential in order for us to have balance in our life.









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Communication and People Stress

Communication and People Stress




We can all think of people as a huge source of stress in our lives. We can feel that others are controlling our lives, or putting to many demands on our lives, they don’t care about us or our feelings. The real problem is that some of these people are close to us and we may even live with them or work with them. The problem is there is no avoiding them. The confusing part is some of the people I’m having problems with I love deeply. Regardless, the real truth is that psychological stress arises from our interaction between us and the world. It is essential for us to take responsibility for our part in the relationship between people; it is our perception, thoughts, feelings, and behavior that I have control over, no one else’s.

Over time we develop deeply ingrained ways of dealing with interpersonal unpleasantness and conflict. These habits are usually established and often are inherited and molded by our parents. Some people are so threatened by conflict, or dealing with angry feelings they will do anything to avoid dealing with the conflict. Other people may deal with there insecure feeling by creating conflict wherever they go. They view interactions with other people in terms of power and control.

The one thing we have to remember is that good relations with people is essential to happiness. It is in this sense that life is fair. We don’t need to have a lot of money and in a lot of cases, people who enjoy close relationships with others are happier than people who have a lot of money. Relationships are based on connectedness. When people communicate and exchange perspectives, this sets the ground work for intimacy and open honest communication; this is an absolute essential element in any close relationship. It is essential to recognize my barriers that are preventing me from having close relationships with others.






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The Power of Now

I will know peace when……


I learn to focus on one thing at a time.

Filling up our time with to much busyness is just another self destructive way of avoiding our problems. Instead of owning up to our problems we can get caught up in running around like crazy until our lives are overflowing with commitments and obligations that we can’t possibly meet. The feelings of fear inadequacy, unworthiness, and even desperation now take over. We can then feel like giving up. This is the exact moment that we need to remind ourselves that we can only do one thing at a time.

We have to remind ourselves that in reality, we only have to deal with what is in front of me, in this moment. However, this doesn’t mean that we will not feel threatened, fearful, angry, humiliated or that we won’t do anything silly or self destructive again. The important thing to remember is that if we are living in the present moment we will be more aware of our present feelings and impulses. When we bring awareness to stressful moments we think more clearly and we might see our own unbalanced view as the root cause to an inappropriate, overreaction on our part, perhaps our behavior could be out of proportion to what the actual circumstance is. Staying in the present moment helps us to think more clearly in order to respond maturely in the moment. Working on staying in the moment is an experience that words cannot describe; there is a spiritual element that must be felt, in order to truly understand this concept.



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Trapped in Anxiety Reactivity, Part 1

Human being are remarkably resilient to stress. We are expert copers and problem solvers. We cope through moments of pleasure, peace and fulfillment. We also cope by sharing love and receiving encouragement and support from family and friends.

Stress, trauma, panic attacks and anxiety can usually be traced back to the central nervous system. In particular the fight or flight respomse is a defense mechanism that is a response to a real or even a perceived danger. The fight or flight response is a universal and primitive defense strategy. If a situation calls for aggression, a threatened creature or in ancient times a person will fight. If the threatened animal determines they will likely loose the fight the threatened creature or person living in ancient times would run. These choices are not thought out they are instinctual. This is a basic defense mechanism to stay alive.

What happens when we are in situations when the fight or flight response is building up in us, but we feel the it is socially unacceptable to run or fight. Besides it wouldn’t solve the problem anyways. Our blood pressure is rising, our heart is pounding, our muscles are tense, and our stomach has a knot in it. This is the point when we are strained and pushed beyond our limits we render ourselves unable to adapt or cope with the stress.

What happens is we internalize the stress reaction we don’t get the resolution that fighting or running gives us. We don’t peak freeze make a decision then run or fight to discharge this built up anxiety, fear and heightened arousal. This energy stays trapped in our bodies; consequently, this energy causes destruction in our bodies. In a lot of cases this hyper arousal is the root cause as to why we stay trapped in stress reactivity.

I will elaborate more on this topic in part 2.




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