The 50% divorce rate that currently exists amongst married people is quite alarming to me. Do people really know what they are committing to? In many instances people just don’t take there wedding vows seriously. When we commit to marriage we are supposed to embrace the experience of life together. Marriage is a sacred agreement to love and support each other to the best of our ability and to use the relationship as a means for dismantling and healing our individual barriers to love. Close relationships like marriage actually force us to confront our own defects in order to truly meet someone else’s needs. In other words we constantly have to be open to how our partner perceives us in order to truly respond to their needs. It is only through working out our shared conflicts and pain that we truly learn what love is all about. The arguments and conflicts pale in comparison to the true love and compassion that result from successfully working out conflicts in life.
Not only does marriage take patience and understanding, it takes hard work. Each person must be completely honest and willing to open up their private world to the other. A couple always has to strive for open, honest communication. Open, honest communication is essential in order to prevent withdrawal of intimacy, loss of hope, and marital dissolution. It is equally important to have good people to confide in outside of the marriage because this prevents us from going through hurt and resentments alone. Most importantly, having confidants helps to hold us accountable for our actions in the marriage. This is essential to a couple because it enables us to forgive and come back together again. In this we way learn and grow despite our shared pain and resentment.
Marriage often requires a willingness to be wrong, even though the ego may insist you’re right, but think rationally. Would you rather be right, or would you rather be loved? In the beginning we have to take the risk of bruising our ego in favor of surrendering to the greater good of the relationship. Taking appropriate action and choosing the right road in order to give life to the marriage, should be the number one priority.
. The most important ingredient in relationships is forgiveness. In order to acquire the ability to repeatedly begin anew, and to evaluate and re-evaluate our part in any conflict, it is necessary to practice and perfect the act of forgiving the other as well as ourselves. Recognizing and respecting the uniqueness of our chosen partner is critical. We can appreciate the fact that the other person’s strengths are our weaknesses and vice-versa. The sheer pain and frustration from conflicts that arise in marriage can serve as the perfect motivator to turn inward for the answers that lie within each and every one of us. It can be a real opportunity for personal growth for some people but can be a recipe for disaster for others.
The most critical ingredient in marriage is to have the humility and desire to work out conflicts in this sacred relationship, in order to nourish the love and respect that both people need and deserve.
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