Communication for Couples

Communication amongst couples is commonly poor when a climate of fear and mistrust is perpetuated through criticism, placating, blame, and scapegoating. In these circumstances the communication can become highly reactive, attacking, and critical. This leads over time to withdrawal, loss of hope, and marital dissolution. My main approach to counselling couples is to help improve communication and identify issues and resolve problems that hinder open honest communication.
Sometimes simply changing the form of communication from "you" to "I" messages, couples can drastically improve their communication. Couples who are used to blaming, frequently begin messages with or include the word you in their messages. The word you is an accusation and can put the receiver on the defensive. To counter attack, the receiver typically responds by also blaming in return. Beginning sentences with "I" forces the sender to not only send a clearer message but also to disclose something of his or her own thoughts and feelings. The importance of this for counselling couples is knowing that the emotional health of children is profoundly affected by the emotional relationship between the parents.