Every part of our self has boundaries, to the cells in our bodies to our relationships with other people. For example somebody wants to borrow our car. However this person has a history of being irresponsible in the past. We don’t want to loan him the car however, we have a hard time saying no so we loan the car out. Simply saying “No I’m sorry I don’t feel comfortable loaning out my car”. This is a boundary.
When we are physically abused, sexually traumatized or exposed to horrific events that don’t make sense to us, many of our boundaries are shattered. It's like a spear that tears a hole in our boundary. Consequently, we can erect barriers that are so rigid they are like a brick wall that no one can get in. Consequently, we end up alienated, isolated and alone. This is an extreme that leads us to being violated and intruded upon, to being alone, this we not produce any peace or freedom in that person’s life. We end up alone and miseable.
Regardless, we have to find ways to heal those boundary violations. What we can do after people have been exposed to trauma. We can do a lot. In fact what we are finding is that social support seems to be a major protective factor. When we have been violated by other people especially by people we were supposed to trust we have a tendency to stop allowing all people into our life. When we start trusting other people this is a sign that we are beginning to heal from our boundary violation or trauma. Consequently, the more people can generate social support after they have been exposed to trauma, whether it is troops coming back from war, rape victims after the awful event has taken place, hurricane survivors, tsunami survivors, or earthquake survivors in Japan, etc., the more social support, the greater the likelihood that they will heal from trauma and rebuild the boundary violations that occurred in the past.
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