Human being are remarkably resilient to stress. We are expert copers and problem solvers. We cope through moments of pleasure, peace and fulfillment. We also cope by sharing love and receiving encouragement and support from family and friends.
Stress, trauma, panic attacks and anxiety can usually be traced back to the central nervous system. In particular the fight or flight respomse is a defense mechanism that is a response to a real or even a perceived danger. The fight or flight response is a universal and primitive defense strategy. If a situation calls for aggression, a threatened creature or in ancient times a person will fight. If the threatened animal determines they will likely loose the fight the threatened creature or person living in ancient times would run. These choices are not thought out they are instinctual. This is a basic defense mechanism to stay alive.
What happens when we are in situations when the fight or flight response is building up in us, but we feel the it is socially unacceptable to run or fight. Besides it wouldn’t solve the problem anyways. Our blood pressure is rising, our heart is pounding, our muscles are tense, and our stomach has a knot in it. This is the point when we are strained and pushed beyond our limits we render ourselves unable to adapt or cope with the stress.
What happens is we internalize the stress reaction we don’t get the resolution that fighting or running gives us. We don’t peak freeze make a decision then run or fight to discharge this built up anxiety, fear and heightened arousal. This energy stays trapped in our bodies; consequently, this energy causes destruction in our bodies. In a lot of cases this hyper arousal is the root cause as to why we stay trapped in stress reactivity.
I will elaborate more on this topic in part 2.
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Thursday, February 2, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Anxiety the Thinking Disease
People who suffer from anxiety have a tendency to always be thinking of the future and always wondering what is next. The pain of being abused, or violated, or about feeling pain or being alone, or being sick or disabled, or about someone you love being hurt or killed. We may have fear of failure or fears of success, fears of letting others down or about the fate of the earth. Here is a quote by Mark Twain at the end of his life. “I’m an old man now. I’ve lived a long and difficult life, filled with so many misfortunes. Most of which never happened”.
Fear and embarrassment of the symptoms happening around people just adds to the anxiety. The symptoms include trembling, shakiness, muscle tension, restlessness, easy fatigability, shortness of breathe, rapid heart beat, sweating, dry mouth, dizziness’, nausea, being easily startled, difficulty concentrating or irritability. People with excessive anxiety, stay in a frozen state of fear. This renders them, always hoping for some sort of pleasure while dreading some kind of pain. The conclusion is all anxiety is anticipatory. It’s all based on future events. You may have a hard time putting your finger on the root cause of these feelings.
According to Peter Levine a leading expert in trauma anxiety can actually one of the symptoms associated with trauma. Many people have traumatic symptoms that go unrecognized. For example 15% of all adults suffer from panic attacks, unexplained anxiety or phobias. As many as 75% of the people who see doctors have complaints that are labeled psychosomatic because no physical explanation can be found for them. In my work I believe many of these people have traumatic histories which at least contribute to the problem of anxiety. Anxiety is a thinking disease; however it is essential to seek professional help in order to get to the root cause of a person’s anxiety.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Fear and embarrassment of the symptoms happening around people just adds to the anxiety. The symptoms include trembling, shakiness, muscle tension, restlessness, easy fatigability, shortness of breathe, rapid heart beat, sweating, dry mouth, dizziness’, nausea, being easily startled, difficulty concentrating or irritability. People with excessive anxiety, stay in a frozen state of fear. This renders them, always hoping for some sort of pleasure while dreading some kind of pain. The conclusion is all anxiety is anticipatory. It’s all based on future events. You may have a hard time putting your finger on the root cause of these feelings.
According to Peter Levine a leading expert in trauma anxiety can actually one of the symptoms associated with trauma. Many people have traumatic symptoms that go unrecognized. For example 15% of all adults suffer from panic attacks, unexplained anxiety or phobias. As many as 75% of the people who see doctors have complaints that are labeled psychosomatic because no physical explanation can be found for them. In my work I believe many of these people have traumatic histories which at least contribute to the problem of anxiety. Anxiety is a thinking disease; however it is essential to seek professional help in order to get to the root cause of a person’s anxiety.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Transforming Societal Trauma and Distress
In reality we live in a world were there is terrorism, war, and even the possibility of annihilation from super weapons. The sad part is we feel we have no control over these serious threats, consequently we give up and stop fighting back. However, if you look at the demonstration in London yesterday you would know that this is not the case. There were many liberal and New Democratic politicians at this rally like Joe Comartin, Brian Masse and many labour leaders like Ken Lowenza, David Cassidy, the chair person from Catierpillar etc. These are the hard working politicians who need our support in order to turn this current tide of oppression around. It’s important not to write everyone off and just give up. Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate our belief system?
The real truth is we need to become more politically active in order to stop such an evident attack on the middle class and the collective bargaining process itself. Let’s not allow this oppression to take precedence in society, Remember one thing, our belief systems can be empowering or disabling. They can be built on optimism or pessimism. These beliefs determine what we think; determine what we are capable of, or not capable of. Collectively we are a force. Perhaps we should reconsider our beliefs and become more politically active.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
The real truth is we need to become more politically active in order to stop such an evident attack on the middle class and the collective bargaining process itself. Let’s not allow this oppression to take precedence in society, Remember one thing, our belief systems can be empowering or disabling. They can be built on optimism or pessimism. These beliefs determine what we think; determine what we are capable of, or not capable of. Collectively we are a force. Perhaps we should reconsider our beliefs and become more politically active.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Embracing Dysfunctional Family Values, Part 2
The whole culture of the family is supposed to be spending quality of time, warmth and affection together as a family. Especially at holiday time when everyone wishes for a loving and supportive relationships with there family members. This can be a real fascade in some families. In reality the pain of letting go of this fantasy and the acknowledgement of what is actually going on in a dysfunctional family can be quite intense.
In highly dysfunctional families a common characteristic is the need to put on a external show, while family members have to deny what is actually going on within their family. In other words children in these dysfunctional families have to deny what they see, hear and feel. However, if a family member tries to go against the norms of the family there are sanctions or outright punishment that keeps them quiet. The child has to pretend they are in a loving family. Therefore any thought or awareness that a child is not loved; in there family becomes a product of the child’s imagination.
If a child feels there is a problem in the family they are made to think that they are the problem. Consequently, the denial in the family causes the person to internalize that if there is a conflict in the family, they are wrong or bad. To matters even worst, they are not allowed to express negative feelings about there family. Therefore, children learn not to cry or acknowledge pain because they will experience a punishment. In this whole process a child is taught to bottle up their emotions and to internalize shame and guilt.
Later on in life the same children that were previously abused are now embracing these same aspects of their abuse, by teaching the same dysfunctional family values to there children. Consequently, the child ends up internalizing self hatred, and has poor sense of self. These dysfunctional beliefs become the core of the person’s belief system. The results can be disastrous, for example, a woman who was abused by her father and who blamed herself for this found herself in a relationship with an abusive man. The real attraction to this man was actually an attempt to get this man to treat her well, which if successful, would alleviate her feelings of self blame and badness. Childhood is usually the shortest period in our life however, when we have been abused or traumatized it can have a disastrous effect on us, for the rest of our lives, unless we resolve it.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
In highly dysfunctional families a common characteristic is the need to put on a external show, while family members have to deny what is actually going on within their family. In other words children in these dysfunctional families have to deny what they see, hear and feel. However, if a family member tries to go against the norms of the family there are sanctions or outright punishment that keeps them quiet. The child has to pretend they are in a loving family. Therefore any thought or awareness that a child is not loved; in there family becomes a product of the child’s imagination.
If a child feels there is a problem in the family they are made to think that they are the problem. Consequently, the denial in the family causes the person to internalize that if there is a conflict in the family, they are wrong or bad. To matters even worst, they are not allowed to express negative feelings about there family. Therefore, children learn not to cry or acknowledge pain because they will experience a punishment. In this whole process a child is taught to bottle up their emotions and to internalize shame and guilt.
Later on in life the same children that were previously abused are now embracing these same aspects of their abuse, by teaching the same dysfunctional family values to there children. Consequently, the child ends up internalizing self hatred, and has poor sense of self. These dysfunctional beliefs become the core of the person’s belief system. The results can be disastrous, for example, a woman who was abused by her father and who blamed herself for this found herself in a relationship with an abusive man. The real attraction to this man was actually an attempt to get this man to treat her well, which if successful, would alleviate her feelings of self blame and badness. Childhood is usually the shortest period in our life however, when we have been abused or traumatized it can have a disastrous effect on us, for the rest of our lives, unless we resolve it.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Monday, January 16, 2012
Complex Trauma
Complex trauma is more about traumatic interruptions on an emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual level in the context of a relationship ( Ruth Buczyniski PhD ). What this really means is that when a child is growing up and experiences a series of relationships where they are emotionally, spiritually, and physically vulnerable. The child can experience a violation or trauma which can cause a disruption in their development. If a child is repeatedly put at risk this person can spend the rest of their life in a flight or fight response. According to Ruth Buczyniski, PhD a leading expert in trauma “There are too many people who are diagnosed or labeled borderline personality disorder in fact probably having experienced complex trauma. Recent research is also identifying people that are suffering from chronic diseases seem to have a history of trauma in their past.
The significance of this information is pointing to trauma being at the core issue of many people who are suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, borderline personality disorders, excessive fear, depression, or many chronic diseases have in fact expereinced trauma.
Consequently, exploring and making sense of our past can truly be worth the effort in the long run. The problem is our body is very smart and can block out memories and pain, in order for us to survive and function in our everyday lives. This can make it hard or impossible for a preson to identify trauma as a problem, that they need to deal with. However, with professional help we can overcome this obstacle. This process is essential in order to improve our quality of life.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
The significance of this information is pointing to trauma being at the core issue of many people who are suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, borderline personality disorders, excessive fear, depression, or many chronic diseases have in fact expereinced trauma.
Consequently, exploring and making sense of our past can truly be worth the effort in the long run. The problem is our body is very smart and can block out memories and pain, in order for us to survive and function in our everyday lives. This can make it hard or impossible for a preson to identify trauma as a problem, that they need to deal with. However, with professional help we can overcome this obstacle. This process is essential in order to improve our quality of life.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Sunday, January 15, 2012
A Call to Action
Personally, in my life it has been a combination of working with unions, helping recovering alcoholics, my educational expereince along with my life experiences that have helped me to , reshape my thought patterns in order to understand that political, social and economic reality of our society. The realization, of how giant corporations with their billions of dollars in assets have such an enormous influence in the media and our political system, was shocking to me. This built in institution bias does protect the corporate system. It also robs the public of a chance to understand the real world. Frequently these corporations, violate our basic human rights, by refusing to bargain contracts in good faith.
Currently, Caterpillar Inc. is attempting to bulldoze Canadian workers. It is time to fight back! Electro-Motive, a subsidiary of U.S. industrial giant Caterpillar Inc., wants to strong-arm workers into a pay cut of over 50%, dropping hourly wages from $35 to $16.50. It has also leveled devastating cuts to benefits and pensions at the members of CAW Local 27 even though the company has enjoyed billions in profit and a 20 percent boost to product (Ontario Federation of Labour).
It was surprising how many people don’t ask questions like, why does't the government and business elite take wage cuts? Or questions like why don't corporations pay there fair share of taxes. Another good question to ask is “If a corporation doesn’t invest in our country, why aren’t they paying a tariff on the goods sold in Canada? These corporations like caterpillar reap huge amounts of profit from our country and yet pay little or no taxes. It’s time to fight back please consider participating in Saturday’s rally in London against Caterpillars hostile attack on the middle class.
Let’s stop the select few who intentionally create exploitive conditions, which they expect us to go along with. Our children’s future is at stake if we allow this irresponsible attack on our human rights to set precedence in our country. It’s time to fight back. I truly hope to see you there, at the rally on Saturday. Feel free to introduce yourself to me, it would be a pleasure to meet and talk with some of you.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Currently, Caterpillar Inc. is attempting to bulldoze Canadian workers. It is time to fight back! Electro-Motive, a subsidiary of U.S. industrial giant Caterpillar Inc., wants to strong-arm workers into a pay cut of over 50%, dropping hourly wages from $35 to $16.50. It has also leveled devastating cuts to benefits and pensions at the members of CAW Local 27 even though the company has enjoyed billions in profit and a 20 percent boost to product (Ontario Federation of Labour).
It was surprising how many people don’t ask questions like, why does't the government and business elite take wage cuts? Or questions like why don't corporations pay there fair share of taxes. Another good question to ask is “If a corporation doesn’t invest in our country, why aren’t they paying a tariff on the goods sold in Canada? These corporations like caterpillar reap huge amounts of profit from our country and yet pay little or no taxes. It’s time to fight back please consider participating in Saturday’s rally in London against Caterpillars hostile attack on the middle class.
Let’s stop the select few who intentionally create exploitive conditions, which they expect us to go along with. Our children’s future is at stake if we allow this irresponsible attack on our human rights to set precedence in our country. It’s time to fight back. I truly hope to see you there, at the rally on Saturday. Feel free to introduce yourself to me, it would be a pleasure to meet and talk with some of you.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Addiction, Traumatic Re-enactment & The Effect on Personnel and Family Values
In my private practice I have constantly reminded my clients, that when we successfully deal with our past we can change the present. For example, in therapy people often start to identify maladaptive patterns’ in their behavior with others and in their life in general. They can start identifying the fact that they are re-enacting how they dealt with people as a child or a teenager in the present tense. In fact, the traumatic experience that drives the repetition of past traumatic events is called traumatic re-enactment. This re-enactment can be an unconscious attempt to process and facilitate an adaptive process, in order to facilitate the successful resolution of earlier trauma ( Levine, 1997 ).
As a therapist I have to remind the person that this is mainly due to ‘If you are never shown anything different how do you know there are better ways of handling your life”? Traumatized adults or parents often re-enact a traumatic events that in some ways represent their unconsciousness efforts to resolve the original trauma (Levine, 1997). Once we are traumatized it is almost certain that we will continue to repeat or re-enact parts of the experience in some way over and over again. As a result, traumatic re-enactment has profound effect on our family values and can actually generate a legacy of fear, separation and prejudice in the family unit.
Traumatized people must let go of all kinds of beliefs and preconceptions in order to complete a journey back to health. Sometimes it’s important to recognize the fact that we have been abused and mistreated as children. This problem originated from not having had proper guidance, and physical emotional abuse. These problems actually originated with trauma and traumatic re-enactment. The result of this can be a child could never have learned any language as to how to calm down when they are highly agitated. Sometimes when a lot of neglect is involved with children, the parents or guardians simply have never taught them how to calm down. They simply were never comforted sufficiently. This creates a deficit in the child and later on, in the adult also. This deficit can result with adult survivors of abuse, turning to drugs or alcohol in order to calm down. In my clinical experience, along with my qualitative research , indicates that addiction root in some cases can be the direct result of traumatic re-enactment.
Thanks for being part of this journey with me!
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Monday, December 26, 2011
Embracing Dysfunctional Family Values
Embracing Dysfunctional Family Values
A Possible Explanation
Part 1
There are multiple entries and reason’s why dysfunctional family values can be handed down from generation to generation. In my private practice time and time again the client and I recognize the same generational problems in the person’s family history. The repeat is usually evident with both parents and can be traced back to grand parents and even great grand parents. How is this possible?
Many of us have vowed to never be like our parents yet one day we wake up and realize we are just like them. In some cases a person recognizes that they are from a dysfunctional family, other times they don’t, since this is all they know. The parents may have been addicts, or there is an obvious history of mental illness in the family, also a person might have experienced emotionally and physically abuse as a child. It can be especially confusing for people, to grow up to be just like there parents, or to be even more abusive than they were. There is an explanation.
Think about prostitutes and people in the pornography industry, who have been sexually molested as children. These children were victims of their environment. They had no choice and no control over the situation they were in at home, at the time. In a lot of cases they had to live with there abusers. This is due, to the person being abused by a parent or relative.
The same children that were previously abused are now embracing the same aspects of their abuse, by becoming a prostitute or getting involved with the pornography industry. The only difference is that now they have the power and control over their situation. This is an adjustment that allows a victim to literally identify with the aggressor. This same adjustment can explain why a person ends up following and embracing dysfunctional family values, for a host of other dysfunctional aspects in a person’s life.
There will be a further explanation in part 2 of this topi
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Friday, December 23, 2011
Robert's Blog: Merry Christmas from Robert Goulard Counselling Se...
Robert's Blog: Merry Christmas from Robert Goulard Counselling Se...:
Click the link below to watch a short video.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2924552477065 http://www.robertgoulard.com/
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Click the link below to watch a short video.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2924552477065 http://www.robertgoulard.com/
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Robert's Blog: The Adverse Effects of Addiction
Robert's Blog: The Adverse Effects of Addiction: Expecting people to act according to how I perceive my own intentions towards others and not by what I’m actually doing can cause real devas...
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Robert's Blog: Pain the Great Motivator
Robert's Blog: Pain the Great Motivator: Intense pain can be a real motivating factor in the change process. Extreme emotional distress can force us from being unsure if we want to ...
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Robert's Blog: Accountability and Trust
Robert's Blog: Accountability and Trust: If you truly want to turn your life around, find a competent person who you can trust and ask them for help! Robert Goulard , Executive D...
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Saturday, December 17, 2011
Values, Electronics and Our Children
If we look back in history relatively recent history Canadian and American life styles have changed dramatically, from being agricultural, family centered and being an isolated nation to being an urban multinational, postindustrial member of the global economy. The inclusion of values in children has mainly been turned over to our educational system. This system is ill equipped to handle children’s morals and values. Furthermore, it was never designed to handle such a task. Morals and values are meant to be taught and demonstrated to children at home.
To make things even worst is the inclusion of television, and electronic gadgets into our homes. TV and internet stimulated children become young adults who turn without hesitation, into children that use these electronics as ways to escape from loneliness, boredom and fear. In reality they need to develop the ability rely on other people for support. Not electronic gadgets. To go even deeper is the fact that young people need to experience frustration, pain and loneliness in order to mature and grow. Escaping and avoiding issues through electronics should not be an option.
Without effective guidance based on traditional and spiritual values, young people have no other alternative but to turn to drugs, overeating, gambling, drama filled relationships, compulsive work, or shopping sprees. These behaviors are the result of a lot of frustration, anger, and emptiness, mainly due to a lack of fulfillment in life. No attempt to avoid suffering works in the long run. In the end the repetition dulls the senses.
As parents and as responsible adults we need to get back to our grass roots and start teaching and being role models to our future generations. Family rituals are important to family cohesion. For example, simple things like having sit down meals together and recreational activities together can help promote cohesiveness in families. In addition when ever possible give our children our undivided attention. Good family rules also promote, guide and protect our children. They signify the parents love, and concern a parent has for their children. Raising children is not an easy task; however, a child’s basis need is love and not material possessions.
www.RobertGoulard.com
To make things even worst is the inclusion of television, and electronic gadgets into our homes. TV and internet stimulated children become young adults who turn without hesitation, into children that use these electronics as ways to escape from loneliness, boredom and fear. In reality they need to develop the ability rely on other people for support. Not electronic gadgets. To go even deeper is the fact that young people need to experience frustration, pain and loneliness in order to mature and grow. Escaping and avoiding issues through electronics should not be an option.
Without effective guidance based on traditional and spiritual values, young people have no other alternative but to turn to drugs, overeating, gambling, drama filled relationships, compulsive work, or shopping sprees. These behaviors are the result of a lot of frustration, anger, and emptiness, mainly due to a lack of fulfillment in life. No attempt to avoid suffering works in the long run. In the end the repetition dulls the senses.
As parents and as responsible adults we need to get back to our grass roots and start teaching and being role models to our future generations. Family rituals are important to family cohesion. For example, simple things like having sit down meals together and recreational activities together can help promote cohesiveness in families. In addition when ever possible give our children our undivided attention. Good family rules also promote, guide and protect our children. They signify the parents love, and concern a parent has for their children. Raising children is not an easy task; however, a child’s basis need is love and not material possessions.
www.RobertGoulard.com
Monday, December 12, 2011
Our Emotional Comfort Zone
Our emotional comfort zone works the same way our thermostat in our house works. When the temperature in the room approaches the edge of the thermal range the thermostat sends an electrical signal to the furnace to turn on or off. The thermostat then turns on or off to keep the changes in the desired range.
This is similarity to our psychological thermostat which regulates our level of performance in the world. However, the difference is instead of a thermostat, our regulator is the level of discomfort we feel that will keep us within our comfort zone. When we try and change our life and our behavior begins to approach the edge of the zone, we start to feel uncomfortable. If what you start experiencing is outside the self image you subconsciously have of yourself, your body sends a signal to pull yourself back into your comfort zone. The real message in all of this is a person who is trying to achieve success without ever experiencing rejection or pain will never make it in the long term.
We don’t have to be the most gifted or talented person in the field, but we have to believe that if we don’t give up anything is possible, if we truly believe in ourselves. Finding out what you’re really good at and then just blocking everything else out will get you to where you want to be in life. Personally, I studied and worked very hard on myself and that’s how I got to where I am today. It might help you to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self talk and combined with proper training, coaching and practice anyone can learn to do almost anything.
Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.
Robert Allen
Co-authour, The One Minute Millionnaire
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
This is similarity to our psychological thermostat which regulates our level of performance in the world. However, the difference is instead of a thermostat, our regulator is the level of discomfort we feel that will keep us within our comfort zone. When we try and change our life and our behavior begins to approach the edge of the zone, we start to feel uncomfortable. If what you start experiencing is outside the self image you subconsciously have of yourself, your body sends a signal to pull yourself back into your comfort zone. The real message in all of this is a person who is trying to achieve success without ever experiencing rejection or pain will never make it in the long term.
We don’t have to be the most gifted or talented person in the field, but we have to believe that if we don’t give up anything is possible, if we truly believe in ourselves. Finding out what you’re really good at and then just blocking everything else out will get you to where you want to be in life. Personally, I studied and worked very hard on myself and that’s how I got to where I am today. It might help you to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self talk and combined with proper training, coaching and practice anyone can learn to do almost anything.
Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.
Robert Allen
Co-authour, The One Minute Millionnaire
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Values and Respect
The only way we can live and feel happy in the long term is to live in accordance with our true values. If we don’t we are sure to experience true pain in life. I can relate to developing some real bad habits in my life that was very frustrating and had the potential to actually destroy my life. I’m talking about drug and alcohol addiction, however, the deeper psychological root was selfishness, self centeredness, and attempting to control and dominate others. Other excesses people can have are over eating, watching hour upon hour of television, or computer addiction.
What was really behind all this bad behavior? These behaviors are the result of a lot of frustration, anger, and emptiness, mainly due to a lack of fulfillment in life. Looking for a quick fix to try and distract myself from some pretty empty feelings. The pattern of drinking and doing drugs became a pattern that had to be broken; however, I had to get to what was behind this behavior. The pain of living the lifestyle I was living caused a big gap in my personal values and the way I actually lived my life, in my addiction. I accomplished absolutely nothing in years and had actually destroyed a lot of close relationships in my life.
When I did start dealing with my own personal issues, consequently, I eventually started to live by my highest standards in life, when we do this we eventually feel immense joy. Today, I no longer have a desire to drink, or put myself into a drug induced stupor. Life itself started becoming a huge challenge and today my life is rich. I have a wonderful family, a great career and a bright future. I look back on my life and see how I distracted myself from such incredible heights this is like taking a sedative on Christmas morning. When I compromise my values and stop respecting myself it’s like looking at my family tree and finding out I was the sap. I had to take first take responsibility for my past actions in order to turn my life around. It took a lot of soul searching to turn my life around; however, this hard work has sure paid off.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
What was really behind all this bad behavior? These behaviors are the result of a lot of frustration, anger, and emptiness, mainly due to a lack of fulfillment in life. Looking for a quick fix to try and distract myself from some pretty empty feelings. The pattern of drinking and doing drugs became a pattern that had to be broken; however, I had to get to what was behind this behavior. The pain of living the lifestyle I was living caused a big gap in my personal values and the way I actually lived my life, in my addiction. I accomplished absolutely nothing in years and had actually destroyed a lot of close relationships in my life.
When I did start dealing with my own personal issues, consequently, I eventually started to live by my highest standards in life, when we do this we eventually feel immense joy. Today, I no longer have a desire to drink, or put myself into a drug induced stupor. Life itself started becoming a huge challenge and today my life is rich. I have a wonderful family, a great career and a bright future. I look back on my life and see how I distracted myself from such incredible heights this is like taking a sedative on Christmas morning. When I compromise my values and stop respecting myself it’s like looking at my family tree and finding out I was the sap. I had to take first take responsibility for my past actions in order to turn my life around. It took a lot of soul searching to turn my life around; however, this hard work has sure paid off.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Friday, December 9, 2011
How to Beat the Bad Guys at Work
According to “Men’s Health Magazine, How to Win at Everything” , we need to be aware of some people at work. There is a lot of talk about openness on the job, however, there are a lot of reasons we need to keep our guard up at work. Most people are honest about 80 percent of the people. Another 15 percent are of questionable integrity. But what I’m talking about is the 5 percent who out and out dirtballs. These are the bad guys who are out to get you. For example, “spineless the rumor king”, these type of people will just make up rumors as they go along. Such as “is there any truth to the rumor that Jim from labor relations is in detox and is not really on a fishing trip in British Columbia. Human nature being what it is people within ear shot will hear this rumor and not remember the question mark. Consequently when the boss hears about this concern from three or four different people, he starts thinking less favorably about poor old Jim.
The solution to this is if you want to keep these Spineless people from starting rumors about you, you’re going to have to be highly alert. Chances are he’ll start a milder rumor in the beginning, for example telling people I hear your behind in meeting a particular deadline. This is the time you confront this person just like you would confront a play ground bully. Tell this person if you have a problem with me you better confront me directly. Let spineless know you have his number. Most spineless people are good at knowing when to run for cover. If confrontation doesn’t work get the best connected person in the company to spread a denial to the rumors.
The final resort with a lot of history behind it is just punching him. I would suspect this is very high risk, by the way. True, but isn’t taking risks what they’re paying you the big bucks for.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
The solution to this is if you want to keep these Spineless people from starting rumors about you, you’re going to have to be highly alert. Chances are he’ll start a milder rumor in the beginning, for example telling people I hear your behind in meeting a particular deadline. This is the time you confront this person just like you would confront a play ground bully. Tell this person if you have a problem with me you better confront me directly. Let spineless know you have his number. Most spineless people are good at knowing when to run for cover. If confrontation doesn’t work get the best connected person in the company to spread a denial to the rumors.
The final resort with a lot of history behind it is just punching him. I would suspect this is very high risk, by the way. True, but isn’t taking risks what they’re paying you the big bucks for.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Corporate Crime and the News Media
It’s funny how we can view the ‘typical criminal” a young, tough, lower – class male. This stereo typical image is incorrect. The rich are far more violent and are lot more dishonest than the poor. The real truth is criminal behavior committed by corporations is by far, more damaging to our society economically, environmentally, and socially, by far. For example every six hours a worker dies in the work place as a result of corporate crime. The media is so powerful it takes our attention away from the damage the corporate criminals have committed.
Giant corporations with their billions of dollars in assets have an enormous influence in the media and our political system. This built in institutional bias does more than merely protect the corporate system. It also robs the public of a chance to understand the real world. There exists hardly any in-depth reporting about what has caused the widening gap between rich and poor. Control of the media by large corporate monopolies leads to political domination of the main stream Canadian people.
Monopolistic power dominates many industries, and most of them enjoy special treatment by the government. But media giants have two enormous advantages. They control the public image of national leaders who, as a result, fear and favour the media magnate’s political agendas. This creates restrictions on political activity, union activity and public disclosure. They control the information that helps establish the social, political and cultural attitudes of increasingly larger populations. The news media in Canada does not tell the Canadian people that a political whip hangs over their head.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Giant corporations with their billions of dollars in assets have an enormous influence in the media and our political system. This built in institutional bias does more than merely protect the corporate system. It also robs the public of a chance to understand the real world. There exists hardly any in-depth reporting about what has caused the widening gap between rich and poor. Control of the media by large corporate monopolies leads to political domination of the main stream Canadian people.
Monopolistic power dominates many industries, and most of them enjoy special treatment by the government. But media giants have two enormous advantages. They control the public image of national leaders who, as a result, fear and favour the media magnate’s political agendas. This creates restrictions on political activity, union activity and public disclosure. They control the information that helps establish the social, political and cultural attitudes of increasingly larger populations. The news media in Canada does not tell the Canadian people that a political whip hangs over their head.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Monday, December 5, 2011
Accountability and Trust
If you truly want to turn your life around, find a competent person who you can trust and ask them for help!
Robert Goulard , Executive Director of “Robert Goulard Counseling Service”.
Just kidding about the executive director, I forgot to mention I’m the only person working at Robert Goulard Counseling Service LOL. However, the truth is when I actually surrendered and asked another person for help, this dramatically changed my life.
The world has become a very complex place. Having good people to talk to and just being able to be yourself with another person is a very important aspect to any successful person. I look back on this decision to surrender and allow another person to help me with no regrets. From that point on my life dramatically changed for the better. I was now held accountable for my actions; the goals in my life were now attainable. The results were absolutely astounding.
It was this face to face encounter that was a turning point in my life. It seems like such a small thing to do however, it had deeper implications to me at that time in my life. The amount of false pride and ego in me always, prevented me from being honest with myself. This surrender was a mile stone in my life; I gave up trying to help myself alone. I let someone else in my life. It was a therapist, I could trust. However, in time I found a whole group of people that were willing to listen to me and also help me. The real point is once you’ve chosen your team members trust them. Today I am devoted to understanding and embracing the true value and meaning of trust.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Robert Goulard , Executive Director of “Robert Goulard Counseling Service”.
Just kidding about the executive director, I forgot to mention I’m the only person working at Robert Goulard Counseling Service LOL. However, the truth is when I actually surrendered and asked another person for help, this dramatically changed my life.
The world has become a very complex place. Having good people to talk to and just being able to be yourself with another person is a very important aspect to any successful person. I look back on this decision to surrender and allow another person to help me with no regrets. From that point on my life dramatically changed for the better. I was now held accountable for my actions; the goals in my life were now attainable. The results were absolutely astounding.
It was this face to face encounter that was a turning point in my life. It seems like such a small thing to do however, it had deeper implications to me at that time in my life. The amount of false pride and ego in me always, prevented me from being honest with myself. This surrender was a mile stone in my life; I gave up trying to help myself alone. I let someone else in my life. It was a therapist, I could trust. However, in time I found a whole group of people that were willing to listen to me and also help me. The real point is once you’ve chosen your team members trust them. Today I am devoted to understanding and embracing the true value and meaning of trust.
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
Monday, November 7, 2011
Breaking the Vicious Cycle of Destructiveness in Our Lives
Breaking the Vicious Cycle of Destructiveness in Our Lives
The sky is the limit when we work on our defects of character. When we purposely look at our defects and continuously strive for self-improvement, unconsciously we strike an important concept that is associated with the primeval wisdom that lies within our bodies. The echoes of a million midnight shrieks from monkeys whose last sight was of a panther, have left their traces in our nervous system. Staying in the moment and reflecting on ourselves will in time re-awaken an ancient wisdom which lies in each and every one of us. The question is, “how did we get off track in our lives and what can we do to turn our lives around?”
Over time we lost track of our true selves and developed maladaptive characteristic thoughts and behavior patterns. These cycles must be identified, and then disrupted in order for us to change and become the people we were meant to be. Maladaptive behavior patterns can establish themselves as inconsistencies in the way we experience our feelings. Ultimately, we create faulty ideas about life, such as, “I don’t need help from anybody”, or “I can do everything on my own”. These troubling beliefs become ingrained in us and may lead to questions such as, “I try so hard, so why don’t things work out for me?” Over time, we start to focus on the negatives and continue to repeatedly ask ourselves the same tired old questions, producing the same old unsuccessful answers. Like a moth drawn to a flame, we may unwittingly and repeatedly create situations and destructive cycles, from which escape becomes impossible. The reality is that we lack the proper tools and resources to break these cycles.
Inconsistencies are deeply established patterns we repeat over and over in our lives. These negative patterns will continue to cause failure until we become able to actually learn from them. Being prepared, by knowing what is coming at us , can prevent us from sliding back to where we started by empowering us to change. Recognizing our disabling habits and destructive cycles and having the power to break their patterns, is similar to exposing mould to the sunlight….it vanishes.
It is important to recognize when the corrective strategy isn’t succeeding in producing the change we seek---things just aren’t turning around. Consequently, if we don’t try another approach, our efforts will probably produce more pain, a further increase in frustration, depression and worst of all, learned helplessness, “I give up”. For example have you ever seen a fly try to get out of a closed window? It just keeps trying to get out by banging its head on the window even though it never gets out. What this shows us is that being highly motivated and persistent doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll achieve the goals you’re seeking in life.
The first step is to recognize that if we keep doing things exactly the same way as we have always done them, nothing will change. What if the fly became informed that by waiting until someone opened the door, it could fly to freedom? We also can learn about new ways of behaving and develop the ability to ask for help instead of banging our heads in vain.
People can continue to hang on to false notions about themselves even though they cause harm, because realistically these ideas and beliefs are all that they know. A dog can chase its tail for awhile, and then in exhaustion it gives up. This behavior does not produce any meaningful results in his life. Likewise, by wasting our energy, we end up producing extra pain and frustration in our lives with our wasted, meaningless actions, while our sought-after goals never materialize due to emotional, spiritual or physical fatigue.
Focusing our energy on a life-long dream can is the answer. It is essential to seek leverage in dismantling destructive thought patterns in our lives. Sticking a cliché into the cycle can be very important. Truly, “there are no failures in life”. If we don’t get the results we are looking for, we can still learn from the experience in order not to make the same mistake in the future.
By slowing down we can get “in tune” with ourselves, long enough to recognize our faulty habits and thought patterns. We can then start navigating towards another way of doing things. Then, by setting goals, we will gain the power to tap into the vast reserve of power we all have within us. These goals must be more than just the mundane day-to-day drudgeries like paying the bills or other basic necessities or issues. We have to set goals that will force us to strive beyond our limits. The goals have to inspire a sense of excitement. Just thinking of the possibility of achieving them should inspire us to want to work toward achieving them. We will be driven to overcome fear and acquire the courage to go beyond our normal limits in life.
When I first entered university back in 1992 it was very exciting to me. After working on the line for 15 years at Chrysler’s, being in university seemed like a dream come true. I never realized how I stopped dreaming of achieving life-long goals. I had stopped challenging myself. The university was a God-send experience because it became a huge challenge for me. With this experience came a realization about all the untruths I held onto in my life. The surprising thing is that they were not the truth, but by hanging on to them, I had actually created an atmosphere of self-imposed misery. Another truth was that I didn’t like myself prior to taking on the new challenge. Why did I always quit everything I tried to accomplish in life? I had truly given up on myself. Deep down I’ve never come to grips with my own feelings associated with giving up on myself. In a lot of cases people cannot comprehend their extreme feelings of low self-worth on their own. I had tried going back to school in the past but I always quit. The attempt was different this time. I had support from other people and I was seeing a trained professional counselor who was guiding me and holding me accountable for my actions at the university. I perceived everything I did at the university as a challenge. Studying for an exam, writing the exam, and then getting the results from the exam, it was all a cycle I really got used to. This was actually goal-setting and feedback, two powerful tools that help us grow. In addition, I was reporting to my counselor on a regular basis. Many times I felt like quitting. Luckily, I received encouragement and strength from my counselor to keep going. He always had the utmost faith in my abilities, a lot more than I had in myself, back then. In the beginning going back to university was an impossible dream. In order for me to find the inspiration and determination, I had to suspend my old belief system, particularly concerning my ability to ultimately accomplish the goal—graduation. I had to take a chance and rely on others’ confidence in me for support.
Relying on others for support is a basic human need. We are social beings and we learn and grow in and through others. As children we had this ability, however, we somehow lose it as we grow older. As it happened, I was forced to rely on others for support. Once I regained this ability I was back on track with my life. This was an invaluable tool that enabled me to reach my dreams in life.
My first goal was met when I received my Bachelor’s degree in 2000. Then my counselor wanted me to go for my Master’s degree. I had a lot of trust in him, so I decided to take his advice. I went to Wayne State University and in 2002 received my Master’s degree in Social Work. Today I run my own private practice as a social worker and now I offer the same support I received from others to my clients, in order to guide them in achieving their dreams as well. Evaluate and re-evaluate yourself. The answers will come. When you start looking, you inadvertently tap into an ancient wisdom that we all possess. Hard work, perseverance and never giving up will bring you to your desired goal. If I can do it so can you!
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
The sky is the limit when we work on our defects of character. When we purposely look at our defects and continuously strive for self-improvement, unconsciously we strike an important concept that is associated with the primeval wisdom that lies within our bodies. The echoes of a million midnight shrieks from monkeys whose last sight was of a panther, have left their traces in our nervous system. Staying in the moment and reflecting on ourselves will in time re-awaken an ancient wisdom which lies in each and every one of us. The question is, “how did we get off track in our lives and what can we do to turn our lives around?”
Over time we lost track of our true selves and developed maladaptive characteristic thoughts and behavior patterns. These cycles must be identified, and then disrupted in order for us to change and become the people we were meant to be. Maladaptive behavior patterns can establish themselves as inconsistencies in the way we experience our feelings. Ultimately, we create faulty ideas about life, such as, “I don’t need help from anybody”, or “I can do everything on my own”. These troubling beliefs become ingrained in us and may lead to questions such as, “I try so hard, so why don’t things work out for me?” Over time, we start to focus on the negatives and continue to repeatedly ask ourselves the same tired old questions, producing the same old unsuccessful answers. Like a moth drawn to a flame, we may unwittingly and repeatedly create situations and destructive cycles, from which escape becomes impossible. The reality is that we lack the proper tools and resources to break these cycles.
Inconsistencies are deeply established patterns we repeat over and over in our lives. These negative patterns will continue to cause failure until we become able to actually learn from them. Being prepared, by knowing what is coming at us , can prevent us from sliding back to where we started by empowering us to change. Recognizing our disabling habits and destructive cycles and having the power to break their patterns, is similar to exposing mould to the sunlight….it vanishes.
It is important to recognize when the corrective strategy isn’t succeeding in producing the change we seek---things just aren’t turning around. Consequently, if we don’t try another approach, our efforts will probably produce more pain, a further increase in frustration, depression and worst of all, learned helplessness, “I give up”. For example have you ever seen a fly try to get out of a closed window? It just keeps trying to get out by banging its head on the window even though it never gets out. What this shows us is that being highly motivated and persistent doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll achieve the goals you’re seeking in life.
The first step is to recognize that if we keep doing things exactly the same way as we have always done them, nothing will change. What if the fly became informed that by waiting until someone opened the door, it could fly to freedom? We also can learn about new ways of behaving and develop the ability to ask for help instead of banging our heads in vain.
People can continue to hang on to false notions about themselves even though they cause harm, because realistically these ideas and beliefs are all that they know. A dog can chase its tail for awhile, and then in exhaustion it gives up. This behavior does not produce any meaningful results in his life. Likewise, by wasting our energy, we end up producing extra pain and frustration in our lives with our wasted, meaningless actions, while our sought-after goals never materialize due to emotional, spiritual or physical fatigue.
Focusing our energy on a life-long dream can is the answer. It is essential to seek leverage in dismantling destructive thought patterns in our lives. Sticking a cliché into the cycle can be very important. Truly, “there are no failures in life”. If we don’t get the results we are looking for, we can still learn from the experience in order not to make the same mistake in the future.
By slowing down we can get “in tune” with ourselves, long enough to recognize our faulty habits and thought patterns. We can then start navigating towards another way of doing things. Then, by setting goals, we will gain the power to tap into the vast reserve of power we all have within us. These goals must be more than just the mundane day-to-day drudgeries like paying the bills or other basic necessities or issues. We have to set goals that will force us to strive beyond our limits. The goals have to inspire a sense of excitement. Just thinking of the possibility of achieving them should inspire us to want to work toward achieving them. We will be driven to overcome fear and acquire the courage to go beyond our normal limits in life.
When I first entered university back in 1992 it was very exciting to me. After working on the line for 15 years at Chrysler’s, being in university seemed like a dream come true. I never realized how I stopped dreaming of achieving life-long goals. I had stopped challenging myself. The university was a God-send experience because it became a huge challenge for me. With this experience came a realization about all the untruths I held onto in my life. The surprising thing is that they were not the truth, but by hanging on to them, I had actually created an atmosphere of self-imposed misery. Another truth was that I didn’t like myself prior to taking on the new challenge. Why did I always quit everything I tried to accomplish in life? I had truly given up on myself. Deep down I’ve never come to grips with my own feelings associated with giving up on myself. In a lot of cases people cannot comprehend their extreme feelings of low self-worth on their own. I had tried going back to school in the past but I always quit. The attempt was different this time. I had support from other people and I was seeing a trained professional counselor who was guiding me and holding me accountable for my actions at the university. I perceived everything I did at the university as a challenge. Studying for an exam, writing the exam, and then getting the results from the exam, it was all a cycle I really got used to. This was actually goal-setting and feedback, two powerful tools that help us grow. In addition, I was reporting to my counselor on a regular basis. Many times I felt like quitting. Luckily, I received encouragement and strength from my counselor to keep going. He always had the utmost faith in my abilities, a lot more than I had in myself, back then. In the beginning going back to university was an impossible dream. In order for me to find the inspiration and determination, I had to suspend my old belief system, particularly concerning my ability to ultimately accomplish the goal—graduation. I had to take a chance and rely on others’ confidence in me for support.
Relying on others for support is a basic human need. We are social beings and we learn and grow in and through others. As children we had this ability, however, we somehow lose it as we grow older. As it happened, I was forced to rely on others for support. Once I regained this ability I was back on track with my life. This was an invaluable tool that enabled me to reach my dreams in life.
My first goal was met when I received my Bachelor’s degree in 2000. Then my counselor wanted me to go for my Master’s degree. I had a lot of trust in him, so I decided to take his advice. I went to Wayne State University and in 2002 received my Master’s degree in Social Work. Today I run my own private practice as a social worker and now I offer the same support I received from others to my clients, in order to guide them in achieving their dreams as well. Evaluate and re-evaluate yourself. The answers will come. When you start looking, you inadvertently tap into an ancient wisdom that we all possess. Hard work, perseverance and never giving up will bring you to your desired goal. If I can do it so can you!
http://www.robertgoulard.com/
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